What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 01:28
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I don,t even have a pension.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And i lived it daily.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Galaxy Watch could automatically lock your phone when it's left behind - SamMobile
Would this be the day?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
When she asked me how she looked .
If there exists a “New York of Australia”, is it Sydney or Melbourne?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im still living with it.
Wing and Walmart are bringing drone delivery to 100 new stores - The Verge
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I think the readers, may guess!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
With 'I Love Lucy' and beyond, Desi Arnaz helped shaped TV as we know it - NPR
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
(And it was in our own minds.)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My family never makes their pension either.
Cal Raleigh’s heroics can’t save Mariners as Orioles complete sweep - The Seattle Times
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She married twice! .
I could never make a relationship work though!
What Your Sweat Could Reveal About Your Health - CNN
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It was going to be , some day.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Which is the correct Tamil New Year, Thai-1 or Chithirai-1?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Solar 'cannonballs' may have stripped Mars of its water, long-awaited study reveals - Live Science
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Scientists Just Discovered a Lost Ancient Culture That Vanished - 404 Media
I have no regrets .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He knew the spot.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She wouldn,t have been !
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I waited trembling.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
All the time i was locked up.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My life is so biszare .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ive learnt so much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One cannot live in the past .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We were not on the streets..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She found it foreign!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Comes on , in middle age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
This is soul school!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was seconnd youngest,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was 9 years of age.
So whats the point in blame.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I write beautiful poetry .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She loved him until the end.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But, we were locked up after school.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What did i know ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Who then, do I blame.?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But it wasn’t much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I will be 64.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was in good health!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We all went to grammer schools
Put me off passion for life!!
I was scared of men, in general
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I couldn’t, believe it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was very sick at this time too.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Was to survive, this bastard.
So, i spoilt her more .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I said to her
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I never cut or harmed myself..